Pedestrian Prose

Well I got some answers today. I don’t need to go to the gym to make myself prettier, or in order to meet someone else’s (or my own) ideal of beauty, etc., but in fact I need to go exercise and lower my cholesterol.

We had free screenings today. I usually go to hear them say how good my blood pressure is, or to make sure I’m not on my way to a heart attack like my dad (it all runs in the family you see). Today, though, I found out that I’m borderline high-risk. Great, well that settles it then.

I should also clarify that I don’t in fact think that I’m ugly or unattractive (though thanks to those who posted nice comments about me being handsome, those made me feel good). My previous entry was more about finding the ideal–or the fantasy, in the High Fidelity sense–when in reality that ideal is perhaps unattainable.

[By the way, how did that movie slide under my radar for so long?]

I think that is what brought this all on. We as a society have been running with this fantasy of the perfect partner for so long. We all have preconceived notions and images of what our match looks and acts like. But what we don’t immediately realize is that underneath all of those notions lies the potential for incompatibility and miscommunication.

Every relationship will have problems. Learning how to get through them will be more valuable than just trying to avoid them, or by moving on to someone else.

Oh well. Regardless, I guess this means no more eggs for breakfast, and I guess I’ll be seeing you at the gym. I’ll be the dorky looking fellow with skinny arms and an ipod strapped to my waist.

I’m sick of society’s notions of beauty and attraction, and yet I can’t help but feel like a victim of these norms:

• Must stay in shape
• Must bleach teeth
• Must tan skin
• Must disguise thinning hair
• Must eliminate other, unwanted body hair

So much of me wants to take the high road: “I wouldn’t require these things in a man!” But then I think of the ideal dream boy…tall, dark, handsome…chiseled, even. Beauty isn’t the only important thing, however. Intellect and personal philosophy are also crucial. Does such a person exist? Probably, but would they be equally attracted to me if I had only one and not the other?

More so I worry about my own standards in meeting people if I were to spend countless hours at the gym just to get in better, more desirable shape. Eck.

How can I reconcile with what I consider “ideal” when even I don’t necessarily live up to my own standards?

I guess it all comes down to the notion of homosexual–same sex. Maybe the best person for me is someone who shares my hang-ups of body-type and brains.

Or maybe I should just not worry so much about attracting another person, and that alone will be attractive enough.

my freezer has a light in it
a cuba libre is nothing without lime
sibling addiction creates family denial
my view of the capitol still shines

nothing is as bright as the future
the neighborhood trees disagree
when cheeks are red as plums from steroids and alcohol
a cigarette is great if you can still enjoy it

cats are only content with where they lay
retired bishops only return to stir up shit
sheets are only as soft as the person next to you
politics are disagreeable only when you disagree

a lack of places to go means a lack of committment
scene is where you are, not where you want to be
consider crying as necessary as brushing teeth
and music more important than air

be courageous